Changing days and changing climes,
Changing shades and changing hues,
I am suffering from the “change-blues”!
Why does everything have to change? Why do relationships which were built, using the strong sturdy bricks of trust, love and mutual understanding have to grow cracks and crevices and finally crumble into rubbles of memory? Why does Fate and Providence always play with and tease us mercilessly? Constantly uprooting us from the stability and comfort of one social setting to another, making us start our life anew? I have spent thirteen years of my life at that school…thirteen years for God’s sake! Slowly carving a niche for myself in that institution. Building a personality, creating a jigsaw piece of myself so that I somehow “fit in”, becoming someone more or less everyone knew and accepted. Then bit by bit moulding one of the most important things in life- Relationships. Bonds…with teachers, classmates, schoolmates, domestic staff, even the bus driver. Each and every one who was a part of my life. They knew me and I knew them, their likes, dislikes, preferences, whims, trademark behaviour, idiosyncrasies, fears, hopes…everything was so secure, so smooth, so familiar.
Now, all that is left of those countless moments of the last thirteen years are memories and a gnawing ache in the stomach, a cold hard lump in the throat and hot searing tears always hiding behind my eyes. I tried not to let it slip by completely. I have grasped and groped vainly to hold on to those relationships, those friends, from disappearing from my life completely. But one can’t live in the past and keep up with Present’s pace at the same time. They moved on and so did I. All I can do now is pray for comfort, ask the Almighty to ease my pain…to give me new bricks to build my world anew.